My choice

15 Jun

Hello Everyone!

I hope you’re preparing for the weekend….I hear that in most parts its been raining almost every weekend, lets hope for a nice one this time around…hopefully everyone gets to enjoy it…Perhaps have a beach day or maybe a relaxing suntanning break by the pool with your favorite book in hand..or laptop.

Today is June 14, which is a sad day on my calendar…Today marks the day I lost my first baby… I named her, Destiny Rae…that day was the saddest day of my life.  Sometimes people can be cruel and say hurtful things…and sometimes they can be helpful…then you turn your back and POW!!! Down you go…someone stabs you in the back…they talk about you and your children…hey they talk about your entire family…Why is that?

I am asked a lot of different questions on a daily basis…but lately these are the most common:

1. Why do I write about my life?

2. Do I enjoy being criticized by others in public?

3. Aren’t you ashamed of posting your business out in the open?

HMMMM……….let me think…..(picture the Jeopardy theme)

The answers are simple….prepare yourself…you asked for it…

1- I write about my life because that is who I am…I rather speak about me and my issues than to sit around and become stressed out from holding it all inside…everyone’s problems are different and there have been times when I’ve come across a person or two who have experience the same issues as me or even worst…Some people will like to share their story as part of their healing process…and guess what…It’s OK to share your story and not be afraid to be open…Specially if you were abused or need help.

Coming out of the dark is not a bad thing is a great step, being able to express your feelings in writing is even more powerful than paying hundreds of dollars to see a psychologist…(No offence to anyone…by the way…I see one of them)…and as a matter of fact, she feels this is the best healing tool for me…WRITING…besides I have been writing since I was a young girl…there is nothing wrong with that.

2- People are going to criticize you, no matter who you are….and regardless of what you post out there…because that’s part of some human nature…it’s called choice…and it’s also called critics…which I have quite a few…By the way thank you….Because the more you criticize me the stronger I become.

I am a simple woman, a mother among other things…who’s life experiences have motivated me to express my opinions out in the open…believe it or not it all began with FEAR for me…(expressing my opinions out in the open that is)..I want to share my definition to the word FEAR…as described to me by someone very dear.

F-false

E-evidence

A-appearing

R-real

Understanding the meaning to the WORD for me was an introduction to an open relationship with an entire new life… the world of readers…It wasn’t just about writing for me anymore it was about sharing my words with everyone else without FEAR….It was about sending my message of HOPE and HAPPINESS…hoping for chances to a better tomorrow for someone else who may be experiencing the same issues my children and I had to experience or perhaps worse….You never know who you can help along the way…but if you can at least help one person at all…its worth the try….So I decided to be myself and spread my word the best I knew how…In writing….sharing my experiences what I’ve lived, seeing and there’s more…I just cannot not share it YET….MY SECOND BOOK WILL BE OUT SOON….

It’s just who I am…When I’m afraid of something or someone makes me feel threaten or cornered I go into defense mode… my first impulse is to write about it…I don’t react by taking a step to debating with that person or even getting into a conflict…I just write…Why argue with a person who has nothing good to say about you or it’s going to belittle you? why stoop to their level?

Why stand there and allow a total stranger make you feel insecure or demolish your hopes and dreams?  Not me…I will not allow anyone to make me feel any of those things…I will stand my ground and not take offence by it but look at the criticizer as my opponent…and I will move towards my finish line and win.

3- I am not ashamed of posting my feelings out in the open because I rather be out in the light that in darkness where there’s nothing but negativity and sorrow…I have stopped surrounding myself with negative people who all they want is to take you down rather than up…I am not going to feel like I’m in a roller-coaster or on a life-support fighting for what I believe in…and not being revived because I am afraid of what people think…I will not go backwards only forward is the way for me… besides I see what happens around me everyday…things that no one else is looking at or paying attention to…I see..and hear..I am out there everyday in the community sharing with the people…I can feel their pain and hear their voices…they don’t even have to talk to me.

I will give you an example:

I go to the supermarket 2 Saturdays ago with my brother-in-law…we were in his neighborhood…one of the cashier was wearing a long sleeve shirt (we reside in one of the most hottest states and this time a year us hotter), I had an item I wanted, but it had no price tag…the cashier was force to leave her register to verify the price, she didn’t want to but had no other choice it was early and there were no other cashiers available…I watched as she lifted her arm to reach for the item… while observing her face expressions in pain…as she return to the register I notice the marks around her neck as well as the one’s on her wrists, (she forgot to push her sleeves back down).  I apologized for the inconvenience as I paid for my items and as the same time I handed her my business card…She gasped for air deeply and said thank you so much, How did you know? I said, I once walked in your shoes…she said can I call you…I said, any time…I knew she was being abused and she didn’t have to tell me.

Taking my time to express my opinion in my own shape or form leads to all sort of things, but for now I hope it leads to saving life’s…and I am taking those chances because it’s for a good cause…in fact a great cause…to protect the rights of all the victims of abuse out there who’s voices are not being heard. I am not saying no one sees, because people see what the issues are around them….They are just too afraid to voice their opinion or get involved …FEAR…always holds everyone back…and I chose not let it hold me back….I will fight to protect the right of all the children and most of because I recognize their pain…I still hurt inside and no matter what I will always miss her…

My angel…

She didn’t have a choice…

It was not long before she left this earth and gone to heaven, it was June, 14, 1990…She cannot come back I know, but she will never be forgotten…Even thought I cried and screamed that night wishing it wasn’t real…but it was.  A mother’s love its the most beautiful love…it starts the moment they make that connection inside your womb…and it will carry on for the rest of her life…A child should not leave too soon and a mother shouldn’t outlive her child…But their love will last for ever…

It bothers me when some people tell me, to get over the fact that she wasn’t born yet and I never got to change her dipper or feed her a battle, therefore I need to forget about her…I wont and I haven’t…How can anyone ask any parent a thing like that? losing a child is the most devastating loss anyone can experience…specially if you already know what it is like to be around them for a while…rocking them to sleep at night, their first steps and of course their first boo-boo’s…those are difficult moments no one can tell a parent to forget…To heal from “YES” because time does heals all WOUNDS…we all know that, but to forget the lost of someone we love…Please do not ask a thing like that…because that’s impossible…a memory cannot be erased.

To be judged by people: We are always going to find that one person who’s going to cast that stone, only because they may not have a chance to look in the mirror and see their own life first before they go judging others…To be criticized: We are always going to have that one person who will criticize you even if it is because they don’t like your face..(sorry to say it like that but..)most people are just weird like that…I’ve heard this one person tell another…hey you, I don’t like your face can you please look the other way…(I thought that was horrible)but people do this things…It’s that really necessary? common now…really?   Ashamed: NO…NEVER…I LOVE ME  I LOVE MY KIDS, MY FAMILY AND I LOVE LIFE…

I DON’T NEED TO KNOW YOU OR YOUR PERSONAL LIFE…I JUST LOVE TO WRITE AND SHARE MY STORIES FROM TIME TO TIME…I DO ENJOY LOOKING AT THE PAGES YOU ALL HAVE AND SEEING THE WONDERFUL PLACES YOU ALL VISIT….I HAVE NO SHAME OF BEING HUMAN AND A CARING LOVING PERSON…AT LEAST I KNOW I HAVE A GREAT HEART AND MAYBE ONE DAY I WILL SEE THAT ABUSE IN THE WORLD IS DECREASING BECAUSE PEOPLE DECIDED TO BE A LITTLE NICER RATHER THAN JUDGMENTAL AND UNKIND…

I hope you all have a great night and enjoy it in the company of a love one…You are welcome to leave a comment…Thank you for reading…

~Jeannette Moreno~

 

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One Response to “My choice”

  1. vintagemarigold June 15, 2012 at 1:04 am #

    *Hugs* I lost a baby at 12 weeks and while not the same as your experiences I understand the deep feelings, it was something loved and wanted. I always have a “silent anniversary of the heart” on what would have been that child’s due date. Thinking of you throughout the day today.
    Most Sincerely,
    Tiffany

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