Life without you

12 Jun

I found myself today running away….but something pulled me back telling me to be at ease, to relax….and for the first time in years I realized that it doesn’t matter what people may say about me and it doesn’t matter what they may think…I am happy being myself…When times were hard I refused to break down and through the toughest moments of my life I wasn’t afraid to find out where my destiny would lead me….one thing I know for sure is that if I’m ever standing in the dark I will still be strong and I wont give up….yesterday passes me by but…. today, I belong to this moment right here right now…with all of you…

Hello Everyone and I hope you had a wonderful day…

I love the summer don’t you? I love the feel of the breeze flowing through my hair.  I love the sun and watching it as it sets in the evenings…the view is amazing…I feel free as a bird flying in the sky~with no worries, no fear, that’s my life without him….

Once upon a time… out of no where…this young girl gazed her eyes on this guy who she believed to be the man of her dreams….it was love at first sight….The memories of what once was…was torn apart when the real abuse began…it was shortly after the day she said “I DO”… June 11, 1990….She was in love with this man…but little did she know that he was going to make her entire fairy-tale world tumble-down…

Marriage was a roller-coaster and the pain and suffering took a turn for the worst as time passed by and before I realized,  every anniversary was a sad one…the most amazing part in a woman’s life had become a regretful one….few days later… her world became a nightmare when their first child who she carried 6 months in her womb was no more….loosing her child was one of the worst moments she’d experience at such young age….she want it her world to end…trying to make sense of what was happening to her without even  realizing that it was only the beginning of a horrible nightmare she was probably never going to wake up from. 

To the perpetrator: 

I have been waiting for the opportunity to send this post out…  I thought about this for a while…I’ve heard that I got your attention and confronting you here has been my choice… at one point I was trying to reach out as part of healing my last wounds… you know, mending the pieces that were left behind for me to put together, the ones you said you would mend so no one else would know about.  But time heals all wounds…except mine have just remained visible and the internal scars have been washed away by the strength and courage I found the day we left you…the children and I have suffered no more pain.

I am proud of my kids and how strong-minded they are…They are not afraid to express their opinions and I look forward to a better tomorrow for them and all the children around the world who experience the same or similar issues…We survived and still standing strong…I am not afraid to make friends and smile…and neither are them…We haven’t worried about the sounds of your voice in our ear constantly yelling for no reason at all or complaining about every little thing…We don’t have to hide from the world because it has so much to offer and it has been really good to us since you’ve been gone…

I am no longer afraid of the words you have to say to me…and as a matter of fact I kept a few of those words in my head along with the memories of the pain you inflicted….that’s what  made me stronger…it thought me to recognize the signs of abuse not allowing anyone to belittle me again, hurt me physically or mentally…most of all emotionally.

I am happy…

I walked away in pieces the day I left home…I was hurting in a way that only God knows…The children and I were afraid of what was waiting for us next…We didn’t understand where we were going or what our next move would be….I remained true to myself and the promise I made the children…Not to ever allow you to hurt us again…there was no turning back.

I was willing to be strong even if things went wrong….the pain you inflicted was unthinkable for someone who swore to love and respect…you did neither one…regardless whether you love me once or not… I learned to live without you…and now I am a new person…Someone who chose a safe haven rather than an abusive life with you…

I will never forget June 11…You have found me and it doesn’t matter how far I go you will continue to track me down like the lion hunting its prey… I will not keep trying to get away…every time I think you are gone you find a way to hunt me…But the truth is that I have both hands on the wheal now…Years have gone by and the feelings that once were have been gone for a while now…And the Fear I once had is…. NO MORE….

I said “I DO” in  New York City, I was 6 months pregnant with our 1 st child….Finally after waiting nervously for him he arrives and we are ready to make the step that would lead me to the beginning of my nightmares…I should of known then what was installed for me when I couldn’t control myself from crying and the closer we got to say “I DO” the more intense the tears got…I was happy at one point in my life and then the abuse got worst…the verbal abuse was not enough for him, he always had to use physical abuse to feel more “In Control”…Because he was the “KING”.  I hated when he said that….

Yes!!I remember today, today would be our  Anniversary.. ..And…NO,  I am no longer afraid of you..I have a life that does not include you in it……it has been a while and after all I have never felt better… I guess I will now be celebrating June 11 in a different way…This will be the Anniversary of my Freedom from you once and for all….I am finally FREE!!!!  

 

Message:

To be free from abuse is what everyone wants…Not to hide our words and feelings,  take a stand for yourself by seeking help, realized that love is not pain and the most important thing we have is our sanity, to stay focus on what matters…your happiness and the children…You should not be abused in any shape or form…The one that loves you should give you shelter from the storm, and never place his/her hands on you or the children.  

As you face the decision to either end the abusive relationship or try to save it, keep the following things in mind remember….you are not alone….and sometimes when you can’t save something you have to LET IT GO!!! The end is the beginning.. 

  • Know your perpetrator’s red flags. Be on alert for signs of abuse that your perpetrator is getting upset and more than likely he/she may explode in anger or violence. Come up with several believable reasons that you can use to leave the house (during the day or at night) if you sense trouble.
  • You will need an escape plan, make one and have it at hand.
    • Be ready to leave at a moment’s notice. Keep the gas tank full and make sure your car is facing the driveway exit, the driver’s door should always be unlocked. Hide a spare car key where you can get it quickly. Have emergency cash, clothing, and important phone numbers and documents stashed in a safe place.
    • Practice leaving quickly and safely specially if you have children…remember their safety is also valuable. Practice your escape plan…and make sure you know exactly what to do if under attack from your perpetrator. If you have children, have them practice the escape plan too, it easier if they know it’s time to go for that special ride.
    • Make and memorize a list of emergency contacts. Ask a few trusted individuals if you can contact them if you need a ride if you have no vehicle, a place to stay, or help contacting the police. If you have to memorize the numbers of your emergency contacts, local shelter, and domestic violence hotline. It’s better to memorize these things to avoid the perpetrator knowing what you are planning.
    • Phone safety for abused and battered womenVery important….When seeking help for domestic violence…. call from a public pay phone or another phone outside your house. On most public phones you can call 911 for free, so know where the closest one around your neighborhood is in case of emergency….. If you’re calling from your home, avoid using a cordless phone…a corded phone is preferable and I have been told they are less easy to tap…Also a corded phone is more private.

I really hope that this information can help someone today….Please understand that abuse is not love…at the end…you will be free of pain and a new life will begin…I have been through that road and I understand your fear…the cries, the sleepless nights…I know what is like to be lost without being lost….

There is hope out there….have a little faith and courage because it’s all worth it in the end…Being Free from PAIN and ABUSE is where you want to be…I heard the voice of reason…the voice I had forgotten I had…But I was strong and I know you can too…Good Night and remember don’t be afraid to “SPEAK UP” “DON’T GIVE UP” “BE STRONG”.

Thank you for reading please feel free to comment and have a great night…Happy Tuesday everyone!!!

Sincerely, 

~Jeannette Moreno~

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