I’ll be by your side, even when your miles away

30 Apr

Hello everyone!  I wanted to take this opportunity to express my thanks to all of you who read my Posts~ Thank you! It is an honor to know I can count on you. 

How many of you remember the first time you heard the words or news~ Your pregnant or we are having a baby!

I Do!

The feeling of your baby moving and stretching while watching their elbow going underneath your rib-cage it’s like torture, Oh my God! people! that’s really painful, and at the same time is amazing~that my friends its what motherhood is all about.  Those precious moments,  and the memories you will captivate taking with you in your heart to the end of days~ their first steps, their first word, and their kindergarten graduation!! (tears everywhere)

~I remember the first time I heard the Doctor say those words, it was like the sounds of waves or the bottom of the ocean  inside my head.  I was in shock.

Being  a parent isn’t easy for most people, specially the ones who have to face those steps alone~that’s even more difficult.  No one ever said that raising them was going to be easy~ (besides instructions were not included with the manual) everyone learns on their own~ Yes, there are parenting books, but in the early days those didn’t exist, and in my case I had no one to teach me about motherhood.

I learned to love children by being around my cousins, they were smaller than me and I had to babysit them, I cared for them, and made sure they got home safe from daycare, I even prepared food for them.  I sure didn’t learn how to do this by playing with dolls, that would of been a huge disaster~ because I was a horrible caretaker when it came to my dollies~ most of them had no arms or heads.  When it came to a real life, I took my time to nurture and love the kids as if they were my own.  I never took my eyes off of them,  and I always knew where they were.

As the years went by and I got older, I grew up knowing that love was not just a word~ it was more than that,  it was whole.  I was loved~ My family loved me, the people I surrounded myself with, were full of love.  It was something I had experienced before~ just not the way they were teaching it to me, it was different.  It was loving to the fullest, it was parenthood.  I was learning through their eyes how to be a good parent.

When the news came about that I was pregnant for the first time, I was scared, I said to myself ~I am dead~ as I mention in the beginning the sounds going in my head when I heard the doctor say those words, they are best describe as if I was sinking fast under water.  I thought my family was going to kill me~But instead the reaction I got from them was totally different, of course they were not happy about it, but they made sure as my guardians the right thing was done by me.

~My first pregnancy it’s sad to talk about, it torn my heart to write about it the fist time.  That story was written in my book “I am a Survivor” ~ the memory of my first pregnancy will never been forgotten.

After the incident with my first baby, not only was that a horrible nightmare for me, I was told at the hospital I may never have children again~ that is the worst news a doctor can give a woman, it was heartbreaking~ how much more punishment can I take at such young age? then, he said that if I tried again it would be a great deal of risk~ because I had a weak heart and a damaged womb, and neither one of us will make it.  OK then..

Just to explain this part about the “damage womb”  there was a problem with my uterus during the incident and while they were attempting to remove the fetus the doctors used a certain equipment to help position the baby, since the baby was not moving and it was in shock, I was having problems pushing, my heart and blood pressure were accelerating pretty fast, they somehow pierced the muscular wall of the uterus causing damage to it, and that’s why they suggested I shouldn’t try to have any more children before I consult with a doctor first.

Who listens to doctors when your young,  I would, I cared about my health and wanted to be stronger before I tried again..but..he didn’t.. he wanted to make up for the pain he had caused me and replace what was missing in our life’s.

~Who would imagine I was going to be a mother after being told I couldn’t.

I was blessed with another pregnancy, even after the doctors said I could never have children again~ But God had other plans, he gave me the opportunity to know what it was like to be a mother once again.

Rushing to the emergency room once again, this time a heart attack;

Teresita was born.

I connected with my little girl the moment I heard the sound of her heart on the sonogram monitor~listening to my daughters heartbeat was soothing.  My daughter was born on May 15, 1991,  she was only 5 months 3 weeks at birth.  Her weight was 700 grams, which is  1 pound 4 ounces~She fit in the palm of her father’s hand.

Terry was our miracle baby~ because she was born very small her survival chances were very slim.  Being fed via an N.G tube under a heat light incubator replacing the warm feeling of my womb, my little peanut struggled to stay alive~ making it through the first 48 hours proving to the entire intensive care unit she was a survivor, as she fought for her life day and night.  Not one day went by that I didn’t see her, not one second slipped away without me sitting by her side reading her a story or singing her a lullaby~ I showed her every day how much she was loved and how important it was to me that she knew I was there~the sound of my voice was soothing to her.

In mid August 1991 my little girl came home it was 4 months later, she was weighing 5 pounds 6 ounces.  Terry brought family members closer and smiles on everyone’s faces,  I was the happiest mother in the world.

At 6 months Terry gave me my first scary moment of my life as a parent~ she had her first asthma attack,  due to an allergic reaction to a cat closing her lungs and lacking of air from getting in.  The doctors told me that she will suffer from respiratory problems all the time and that more than likely she will experience asthma not only in childhood but also during her adulthood life as well.

At age 2, Terry fell down the stairs from our second floor apartment while attempting to slide down the banister nearly giving everyone a heart-attack, Terry stands on her feet and yells I’m OK, see nothing happened…She gets out of it, without one scratch on her, while everyone in the house is standing around with their hands on their hearts, while  shaking their heads.

As parents we think ahead regarding the future of our children.  In several cases some parents decide their children’s entire life before they can even walk, others will give them their hearts desire and some just let nature take it’s course~not everyone is born with a silver spoon in their mouth and planing a future for our kids is very important.

How we plan their future it’s important because we only want what’s best for them~in the end we all want the same things  “happiness and a great education”, but only a few make it.

A parent will always think about their child every moment around the clock, if they don’t hear from them for a few hours they are already worrying about them,  even if they are not with them~we love them in ways that no one will ever understand because that’s what parents do.

A few days ago Terry told me she has finally decided to separate herself from the nest for a while.  (breathing heavy with a fast heart beating) I hung up the phone.  I don’t know why I did it, but at that one split second reality was quickly sinking in~ my little girl, my peanut has grown.

I remember the first time I heard the news about being pregnant from Terry–I couldn’t believe it~I was happy and scared about my pregnancy, but I knew God was blessing me with a child and everything would be just fine. I was so careful about everything and ate all the right foods.  I wanted to see her and all I did was dream about holding my child.

It’s the smallest details about our children that make us fall in love with them~like for example;

-their little  feet & toes

-their nose

-eyes & ears

-hands & fingers

~I know for a fact I am not the only parent out there who spend most of the time looking at every inch of their kids features, specially every mark~ I know where every beauty mark is, every freckle, even every scar in their body.

Every time they fall we are right there beside them to pick them up….We know all of their emotions, and expressions~they run to us when they are afraid and I even climbed on my daughters crib once when she was scared of a stormy night.

As parents we have one major J.O.B (besides the regular J.O.B)~ that is to be in charge of another persons life besides our own~ everything this little baby needs it’s up to us–their meals, their safety, their well-being…their whole life…this tiny life that once we looked after and one day dropped off to school and cried as we left them on their first day, is finally ready to make a move on their own, how do we respond to that? (wait)how do I respond to that? hmmm??(thinking)

Every memory is looking out the front door…She has been gone longer than usual and I miss her now more than ever…I can say that every time I see a shadow underneath my bedroom door I hope is her and its not, but I will always have her…She will always be my little girl..  No matter what we as parent’s do or say, one day or little birds will leave the nest~some probably still sit on the couch and it will take longer to find their way…. I hope they can move on one day…soon I hope…..and understand that growing up is a part of life…. and some won’t take the right road making the wrong choices along the way because they have lost their direction~I hope they have someone in their life that can put them back on the right track.

I have a message for all the young kids out there and my children of course..

To my children and the children of the world:

Just about every decision that we have to make in life has it’s consequences~ we are not perfect,  some of this decision we make are going to be good, some may not be so good and not to approval of your parents or anyone else around you,  some of the decisions you make may be bad ones~ which in that case the consequences may be time in prison, please don’t make any wrong one’s it’s not worth it.  There are different kinds of consequences for everything we do in life, some are small, and some are big.  We may have control of our choices, but we don’t always have control over the consequences to those choices we make, especially how others may feel and or react to them (remember everyone is allowed to their opinion and whether you like it or not they are going to give it).  Life is all about choices~ It may be your choice to make, but it doesn’t mean it does not affect others~ So, whatever decision you decide to make will be for yourself (and others), think unselfishly and choose wisely because it’s your future. Good luck and God Bless you…

Parent’s:

The hard work and devotion, the love and care comes withing the soul, from the moment we hold them and gaze into their eyes.  I am the proud mother of a young lady who in only a few days will be 21, the life we have both experienced had their ups and downs,  together Terry, her brother Michael and I have survived and continue to move forward with the only treasure we have “UNCONDITIONAL LOVE”.

There is nothing more rewarding to a parent than to see their child make the right choices, even if they are not the plans we had for them, we will always love you till the end…

“It is not the most talented that necessarily succeeds, but those that choose to persevere”.

I hope you enjoy your reading, and until next time….Don’t forget to tell your Daughter/Son, how much you love them and how proud you are of their accomplishments….The sofa will always be here….you can always come and visit….Love will never die….I will love you no matter who you choose to be….I will never let you down…We will always be here….

Jeannette Moreno–Author

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